The media is filled with sob stories of women. The laws are filled with protection laws for them based on these stories. But when we have a look at the stats it portrays a completely different picture, just like Perception being different from reality. Some of the statistics from India:-

1. Almost twice married men commit suicide as compared to married women every year.
2. Suicide rate of men increases by 6 times the rate it increases for women annually.
3. Men die at the rate of 4 times they are born.
4. 3400 married men are burnt alive every year on an average.
5. Annually, on an average more than 90% of crimes happen against men.
6. As per a survey done, 98% of men face domestic violence.
7. In 11 years (1996 - 2007), 156,000 married men have succumbed to Domestic Violence.
8. 98% of men accused in dowry related cases and domestic violence are innocent, trapped falsely, prosecuted unnecessarily, arrested without investigation and extorted as well. Many of those victims finally commit suicide and most of such men are denied access to their children systematically.

These figures are from India, but I am sure the situation elsewhere is also not much different from this one and this is just the tip of the iceberg exposed by some overzealous and enthusiastic men's rights activists. But men have been facing a lot of problems since time immemorial, though very little of the side has been exposed.

One may often think that if men are having so many problems then why there is no sensitization of the problem. Even a smallest of problem for women gets attention while for men, a problem as grave as skyrocketing suicide rates is ignored. One of the most escapist excuses given by the system, when confronted, is that Men Do Not Communicate.

Has anyone thought ever, why? Perhaps not as everyone simply believes in blaming men that since they do not communicate we will not solve their problems or we do not know what are their problems. But no one ever think as to why men do not, or may be cannot communicate? One of the reasons for that is, men do not have proper communication channel. However, that is only the trailer; the real movie is scarier.

Men have been bestowed upon with lofty roles and titles of being the Protector, the Provider, and the Responsibility bearer and so on and so forth. This expectation and role requires them to be strong and hard enough and learn to control their emotions and do not crib about petty issues, which is in a way good as it makes them robust, a requirement must to work with strangers. However, it has its own flip side as well. Being continuously robotic in approach men have actually become disconnected with their experiential domain and more often than not they live in a world of denial and do not realize the pain they are going through till the pain keeps nurturing within and assumes visibly catastrophic proportions.

As a result, men have actually become numb not only to their fellow brethren's pain, but also to themselves. This mental blockage of not being able to experience self pain at initial stages does not allow men to communicate properly and by the time the pain comes out, the damage is already done and one of the statistics mentioned at the beginning of the article is already updated with its latest entry.

Society fails to understand this inability of men to communicate and interprets it wrongly as either,

1. Men do not have any problems or
2. If at all they have, they need to learn to express them.

However, in the backdrop of the above discussion it is clearly evident that men are in no position to express their pain. First that problem has to be addressed. I have no idea how it can be addressed, if someone has it, can email the same to me or leave a comment here.

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Jerome from New Zealand   |118.90.23.xxx |01-06-2009 17:23:54 Hi Virag Men do need to be listened to just like women. And we don't communicate so articulately, so emotionally or so assertively for a number of reasons. 1. When we look at social norms nowadays - women believe they have first right to speak. Women typically have 15,000 words they need to speak in a day. Men 10,000. Often a man comes home from work and he's done his 10,000. He needs to hide behind a newspaper for a bit. She may have used 10,000 an needs to speak 5,000. He may not want to or be able to get a word in. So she dominates the conversation and wonders why he might feel unheard and unlistened to - when she has been "communicating" with him freely. 2. Men are not encouraged to express emotion, or to acknowledge physical or emotional pain, particularly in Western culture. So men will remain silent about emotional or other health issues that may ultimately cause sickness or depression or suacide. 3. Men are not trained or encouraged in society to be assertive communicators. Nor do they have many assertive role models in the media or otherwise. The cliché of the aggressive dominant male or the stupid fool of a male is constantly put down on the media. When men do express assertive behaviour they need to be very careful and diplomatic. The assertive feminists and politically correct are constantly on the look out. Ready to attack. I remember expressing the view (at a dinner party) that many women are not as successful in business as men because they are not willing to take the risks men do. I didn't get past the first half of my sentence - I was attacked for saying that many women are not as successful as men in business. (I am a successful business coach and I see 20 successful men running businesses to each woman). I am also very assertive confident and knowledgeable in this space. But the women clubbed together and shut me down. This brings ... Reply | Quote 1   0

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